Instead of taking it a day at a time, as athletes have preached for decades, the unprecedented sports shutdown has forced us to take things one month at a time.
And with March and April in the books, we’re all counting on May to provide some clarity on the return dates of our favorite pastimes.
The last two months amid the coronavirus pandemic have been difficult for fans and especially painful for sports writers with no games to cover. One day you’re sitting in Anthony Rizzo’s Bentley at Cubs camp talking about the possible last hurrah of the old gang, and the next you’re sitting on your couch with nothing to watch but old games and “Tiger King.”
In times like this you learn a lot about life. Here are 20 things I’ve learned from our sports-free existence:
1/ As fun as “The Last Dance” has been to watch, it’s hard to believe all those ESPN pundits interviewed for the documentary covered the team day in and day out, as did the Chicago media, whose voices somehow are missing.
2/ After the ratings success of the NFL draft, the NBA needs to stretch its draft to 20 picks per night over three nights to maximize our viewing pleasure. You’re welcome, America.
3/ When we are 100 years old and have forgotten almost everything about this strange time, we’ll still remember Horace Grant referring to Isiah Thomas and the 1991 Pistons as “straight-up bitches.”
4/ The only thing I’m looking forward to when baseball begins without fans is the absence of walk-up music.
5/ You still can listen to sports talk radio even when you’re not in your car, but it’s not as fun as punching the buttons to see what’s on the other sports station.
6/ As much as we say we’re addicted to sports, quitting cold turkey has no particular withdrawal symptoms — unless you count overeating and serial napping.
7/ It’s apparently fine when conservative political writer George Will appears on Marquee Sports Network to talk about the Cubs or Mayor Lori Lightfoot goes on NBC Sports Chicago and critiques Matt Nagy’s play-calling. But when a sports writer points out that President Trump’s sports advisory committee is stacked with his reelection campaign donors and cronies, the “stick to sports” crowd is triggered. Why is there no “stick to politics” crowd?
8/ Speaking of trigger warnings, esports fanatics get riled when you dare suggest playing video games is not actually a sport. If it’s on ESPN, they argue, it must be sports. If that’s that case, does the Scripps National Spelling Bee that airs annually on ESPN mean spelling also is a sport? And if so, should we start calling it beesports and put it in the Olympics?
9/ If I could follow only two sports-related Twitter accounts to get me through the rest of the pandemic, it would be @RexChapman and @Super70sSports.
10/ When the stay-at-home edict ends in Illinois, the Cubs could probably charge $20 a head and let families picnic at Wrigley Field, as long as they practice social distancing. Proceeds would go to charity, of course.
11/ A sports documentary I’d pay to see is the last dance of the 2011 White Sox, with Ozzie Guillen as the centerpiece.
12/ Whenever I hear the sound of piano music on TV, I instinctively reach for the remote, knowing a big corporation is about to remind me who the real heroes are before telling me to buy its product. Maybe if the product name was left out of the tributes it would mean something.
13/ If Theo Epstein and Rick Hahn don’t show up at spring training 2.0 with quarantine beards and shaggy hair, it’s going to be extremely disappointing.
14/ The NBA, NHL and MLB were concerned enough about player health that the leagues imposed restrictions on media access March 9 to prevent reporters from possibly infecting their employees with the coronavirus. But apparently they weren’t quite as concerned about fans potentially infecting each other inside ballparks and stadiums, waiting until March 11 and 12 to suspend their seasons.
15/ The 1990s nostalgia show I’d most like to binge right now is “Northern Exposure,” but it’s not on any streaming service. What kind of world is this?
16/ WLS-Ch. 7’s Mark Giangreco doesn’t really need sports to have a watchable sports segment.
17/ The fairest way to compensate ticket holders for canceled baseball games is to refund the entire season now and start collecting money again when — or if — games return. Or is that too logical?
18/ I hate to admit it, but I miss trash-talking the other writers and TV and radio reporters in the press box much more than covering the actual games.
19/ The only thing I’ve seen with more bizarre twists and turns than the Netflix documentary miniseries “Tiger King” is the 2004 Cubs. I’m still not sure which was more unbelievable.
20/ You know your mental health is worrisome when you start having flashbacks about your flashbacks.
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