Dear Anna,
Why would a 63-year-old straight male want to bring a 100% lesbian to his home on the weekends to drink margaritas and stay the night? — No Subject
Dear NS,
Because they’re friends? Because drinking margaritas is delightful? Because said margaritas impair one’s driving abilities and hence, staying the night ensures no one is a victim of a drunk driving accident? Because lesbians are fun?
I have so many questions, NS. And even more, it turns out! Are you the lesbian? Do you distrust this 63-year-old straight man’s intentions? Does the straight man have a crush on the lesbian? Are you the straight man’s romantic partner? Are you jealous of either the straight man or the lesbian? Does the lesbian live far away and thus need a place to crash after a pitcher of frosty margs?
Regardless, it’s not inherently weird for a straight guy and a gay gal to drink alcoholic beverages together. It’s a little bit strange to sleepover after said beverages, but, as I alluded to in the questions above, such an arrangement might be the more responsible thing to do, if one person lives far away, if they have a low alcohol tolerance, (DUI laws prohibit driving with a blood alcohol concentration of .08%, about four drinks, but it varies person to person), or if they simply want to get crunk, get three sheets to the wind, get boiled as an owl or get ham-sandwiched and not worry about driving anywhere.
Still, I wouldn’t be too suspicious (yet) if you’re the partner of the straight man (which is my assumption). Sit in on their conversation. Have a marg yourself and chillax. Maybe you’ll be surprised.
Dear Anna,
I was Zoomin’ (is there a better word for this yet?) with this guy. It was our second virtual date, and things were flirty and fun. But when he asked me to meet him at his apartment and I said no, he called me a tease. (I’m not into COVID hookups, thank you.) I don’t think he meant it to be so off-putting, but I found it really off-putting! — What Gives
Dear WG,
Yeah, no. He was pissy that he didn’t get his way. Calling you a tease for saying no to a second-date hookup DURING A PANDEMIC is just shitty. If he can’t hear a “no” this early on, I’d have serious doubts about his ability to respect your consent IRL, during sex or otherwise. Being called a tease isn’t always negative, of course, particularly when uttered by a well-meaning person who respects you. And only you can make the call on this person’s intentions, but, because this interaction left you feeling “off-putting,” my guess is he was calling you a tease in a shaming way, as if flirtation entitled him to your body. It doesn’t. No one is entitled to sex. It’s a right, not a privilege.
Another right you have, for instance, is to not grant someone a third date.
———
(Anna Pulley is a columnist answering reader questions about love, sex and dating. Email your quandary to redeyedating@gmail.com.)
———
Distributed by Tribune Content Agency, LLC.